Our love songs are getting angrier. They have changed from the classic “I want to hold your hand” to Taylor Swifts “We are never ever getting back together”
Ther is a lot of pain in that! Our positive emotions towards falling in love are changing. Theirs a lot of heart in dating. Most of us can’t sing it out like Taylor Sift can. But we have experienced it. The broken heart cry is the worst. When something that could be, is gone. The breaks. Many of us perhaps then think, why would I want to enter that, and we just kiss dating good bye. The problem is statistically speaking 93% of millennials want to get married. Even the people who think that marriage is dead as an institution, want to get married. The survey says “Is marriage dead, yes. Do you want to get married, absolutely” We all want a significant someone to stick with us for better or worse. Our heart longs for this.
Somewhere between the longing for marriage and the state of marriage, there is a process of evaluation. This process is filled with danger.
Different culture move through this process of evaluation differently. ie arranged marriage, or courtship by a young chaperoned suiter.
The confusing in this generation is that we have started to call this process a “status” and this status is linked to self-worth. Here is the reality, anyone can get a date and anyone can get married. You set your standards low enough you can get it today. But to have a great marriage, and to have a great dating experience that you will rejoice in and not regret is based on two factors.
1. Who you date (the person)
2. How you date (the process)
Dating is a process of evaluating a person. Heres the fun part, it’s also a process of evaluating yourself. Before your ready to date someone else, you need to be able to date yourself. The natural question is who am I and what qualities am I looking for (the who question). Then what is the best method for moving through this process (the how question) to arrive at the right person? Briefly let’s talk about the who question.
The Bible doesn’t talk about dating but it does talk about evaluation.
Proverbs 25:24, “This is not written for the married guy” it’s written for you. (dies she always have beaf with someone?, be careful son)
Proverbs 25:28 “a good man brings security and peace” you don’t want to live with a guy who explodes in anger. You will work on eggshells without peace and safety.
The modern problem, we tend to look at characteristics rather than character. We look at features. Their not bad things to notice, but their bad foundations. You can not put the strain of marriage on characteristics. Discuss. What are you looking for? We form a fantasy, we assemble the person like a subway sandwich. The problem when we create an epic fantasy person no actual human being can live up to that. An idealized person of our self. We don’t want to marry ourselves we want to marry someone who complements ourselves.
In truth, we don’t know the characteristics of the person that we will actually marry. Statistically speaking we marry a person with characteristics we were not expecting, and they are not perfect. If you can date the imperfect you, you can date the imperfect them.
Story of Vietnam injury (Boys). Sory of pregnancy (Girls) – the long winter.
We marry a person not a list of characteristics
Foundation of a person to look for in marriage
- A believer in Jesus Christ. Be align in the most import thing in life, 2 Corinthians 6:14,15 “Agency and direction”
- A Pursuer of Christ. Saying your a Christian means nothing if your heart is not into Jesus. “You can put a bow tye on a terd, but its still a terd.” Psalm 1:1,2 You want to be link up with a guy like that. Proverbs 31:26-30.
- Someone who makes you play your best game. 1 Cor 5:11 Paul is constantly moving towards the unbeliever, but when it comes to money, sex and words, he doesn’t compromise. You want someone anchored in love and morality into someone outside of himself. You want a guy who is the master of his lusts.
- Do I like hanging out with them? or do they just bug sap me sexually?
- Are we physically attracted to them? Not a bad question, but a bad question to base our primary foundation on (Refer Song of Songs)
Where is your heart first? Are you the ideal person for someone else to date. God is in the business of preparing our hearts for fulling in love.
15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. 1 Timothy 1:15-16
Prayer of Regeneration
Occupy the throne of my heart. take full possession and reign supreme, lay low every rebel lust, let no vile passion resist your holy war; manifest your might power and make me yours for every. You are worthy to be praised with every breath, loved with every faculty of the soul, served with every act of life. You have loved me, received me, purchased, washed, favoured, clothed, adorned me, when i was worthless, vile, soiled polluted. I was dead in my sin, having no eyes to see you, no ears to hear you, no taste to relish your joys, no intelligence to know you. But your Spirit has awakened me, brought me into a new world as a new creature and given me spiritual perception, opening your Word as a light, guide, solace, and joy. Your presence to me is a treasure of unending peace. Your draw me to your self with chords of love, and forgive me daily, hourly. O help me to walk worthy of your love, of my hopes, my dreams, and my vocation. Keep me for I cannot keep myself. Help me to walk by your side, lean on your arm, hold converse with you. That I might learn to be a blessing to others.